Shattered Expectations

I am sure, Keith, you have your picks made by now in Fantasy Football, but maybe you should consider the Onion's version called Shattered Expectations:

Think that only Fortune 500 CEOs get rewarded for their incompetence and failure? No more! Now you can field a winning fantasy roster of underachievers. Pick underperforming players in the following positions: QB, RB, WR/TE, Kicker & Defense. Earn points and cash for TDs not scored and yards not gained.

That way if you lose you can also win.