Smashup Comedy

Garrett and I both figured we were in for trouble when Dara got him tickets to see Gallagher and then managed to con us into going together. ("It will be a male bonding thing," she said sweetly.) The feeling of impending doom increased as we found our way to the 2nd row, right smack in front of the table used to smash things upon. The first 25 or so rows in the theater were covered in plastic, as was the entire stage and two levels of balconies on the side. Luckily we came equipped with cheap ponchos to wear. Those who hadn't come prepared could buy ones out in the lobby. And you needed them!

The show was a mixture of standup comedy and smashup comedy. He brought along dozens of pie tins and any number of foods to smash. The assortment included the traditional watermelons, but also mayonnaise, mustard, corn, beans, tofu, yogurt, mashed potatoes, rice, rice krispies, syrup, jello, apples, soy milk cartons and juices, and an array of canned items like pumpkin. As he assembled them, he explained the science of smashing things -- the shape and size of the pie tin, putting the "explosive material" in the middle and the shrapnel on the outside. In conclusion, about 15 people who were supposedly having birthdays went on stage. Instead of blowing the candles out on a cake, they gathered round as he smashed a white cake with mayonnaise on top, followed by a chocolate cake with chocolate syrup on top, followed by a pie of mustard. Then they all got to take turns smashing the remainder of the items as we ducked.

Garrett and I huddled in our ponchos, trying to avoid eye injury while at the same time trying to witness what were some spectacular explosions. When we were done, we left the ponchos there. The guy next to us had been to see Gallagher seven times before. He wore a tee shirt with a target on it, with no poncho. He and his girlfriend took before-and-after pictures of Garrett and me, so if they arrive in EMail, I'll share them.

In the end, probably the most interesting thing to come out of this experience will be seeing what Garrett gets Dara for Christmas next year.